"Life is such a crazy trip. One day we are up and the next we are down. We never truly know what will come around, but how we act and react will show us the strength of who we are now." - NA
After a long few years of searching for answers on how to find a better life balance - mentally, emotionally, physically and.... financially, I found myself in a few unexpected places and dealing with the discovery process of uncovering a few hidden (and unexpected) health scares moving through my sacral energy center - basically this center deals with everything in regards to "security, creativity, and relationships", and this to me, is no coincidence.
Finding my way through dealing with financial woes, and fears of "the rug being pulled out from under me" I was lead home to live with my family, and while I knew I couldn't be there forever, I knew it had a purpose, and it was something I was really needing. My time at home, helped me heal a lot of emotional pain, that ran deeper then I had expected honestly. From heart break in business, to life evolution and love relationships, I found myself needing time to process it all... deeply.
After 3 years of soul searching, hitting rock bottom, going broke (for a minute there... ya), losing friendships I thought meant a lot, and finding new ones and new spaces while flying high and diving into the process of self-discovery, I found new ways to lift me up, like writing, painting and creating through my hands again. This process of uncovering the hidden aspects of myself, hasn't come without much sacrifice, from many, yet something that was so necessary, for my whole being. As I dove into the process of spiritually healing, it opened doorways in me to be able to see again, not only who I am, but also the strength, courage and resilience I have. Not to mention finally coming to a place inside my heart and mind, where I see the beauty I hold not only through the vision of me, but also the art of which comes from me, all of which I can admit, I didn't always believe in, I doubted and accepted an idea that I was "less than" and had to fight with feelings that I was inadequate, unworthy, not accepted and imperfect. That there actually came a point where, I was more comfortable with running from it all, than standing up and honoring what I had already built in this world.
And yet, I finally feel like I'm on the up and up, and have some answers that I didn't have before, along with ways to cope with the unexpected, that again.. I didn't before. I'm still on a path to rebuild my business, to find new people to work with, and opportunities to collaborate on inspiring projects. That I hope will make some kind of impact on those who experience the work I have to offer at this moment.
Even though I'm still searching for some of these key solutions, I realize that it takes a great fall in order to rebuild with a stronger foundation in life. And it takes an incredibly strong soul, to see that the foundation of oneself needs works, because the process of digging, and finding your way into the cracks of rotted soil, isn't easy.
Therefore as I rebuild my life, literally from the ground up, I'm building a stronger foundation in my life's security, while being open enough to share deeper truths, experiences and formations of my creativity.
HOW MY JOURNEY BEGAN
Back in 2014 I felt really lost after a big Super Bowl project ended, the loss of a relationship, heartache from a lifetime of depressive thoughts and utter fear of starring down the barrel of debt, that piled up faster then I'd like to admit, that its no wonder I was lead further into the depths of a major spiritual awakening. Feeling unsure where to go or what to do, I was guided to experience Ayahuasca, in Peru. It was through my journey's with the plant medicine there, that led me to leave New York, and open a doorway for me to get back to my roots.
My original intention with the medicine was to release my anger and grant myself access to heightened states of creativity. So here I am, 4 years later, after my first retreat, mind expanded, heart open, no longer fearful of judgement, and living in a space where I'm finding that ya, I'm not perfect, but it is in the imperfections that we see just how beautiful we are.
Meaning, I no longer need to hide, or feel guilty about speaking my truth, and that I am allowed to let go of self-defeating tendencies, so that I can simply create, without expectations. All the while following my heart's passion, so I share my gifts of art, design, writing and healing, as a way to empower others through their journey's of self-exploration, and shed light on how we are truly never alone, in what we are going through. That no matter the journey, there are others out there like you, and you (we) don't have to move forward all alone. We can unite, we can forgive, we can regain strength and we can shine again, so long as we let go of the pain, and hurt of others and find a deeper sense of self-compassion, an awareness that we are all dealing with something.
"It is only in giving oneself over to the unknown, that miracles can be born." - NA
We never know what's happening on the other end of the spectrum, in the lives of others unless we ask and share our feelings. Becuase sometimes it takes asking, in order to receive the perspective that can help the world's healing.
So I use my art, and focus upon abstract expressionism, as a way to move beyond expectations. Channeling my highest self, I let my hand flow, using my gift of a #thirdeye that's open, so to offer Visionary experiences, that will leave you asking questions.
I believe it is in the process of inquiry, that you set off to dig deeper into one self, leading you along your own expedition, and uncovering your roots to find your highest form of creative self-expression.